This week we discussed several topics on dealing with sexual and moral issues in our families and society. For this blog, I am going to briefly touch on the subject of protecting our marriages from INFIDELITY.
Surprisingly, the rate of infidelity has not increased in the last 20 years and the number of adults reporting that they consider marital infidelity as "always wrong" has actually increased. It is reported that approximately 21% of men and 14% of women have had an extramarital affair. Does this surprise you?
There are 4 types of affairs:
1) Detached-emotional=this usually involves a state of "fantasy" in their relationship
2) Detached-physical=this involves visual stimulation such as pornography
3) Attached-emotional=this where there are romantic attachments to someone other than
their spouse
4) Attached-physical=this is where there is sexual intimacy or involvement with someone other than their spouse
"Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity" Spencer W. Kimball
"Whoso committeth adultery with a woman (or man) lacketh understanding; he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul." -Proverbs 6:32
What impacts and consequences are there? I think this you can figure this out!
What are the causes? It has less to do with the state of the marriage and more to do with the individual. Many times they will claim a sense of dissatisfaction, a sense that something is missing. Women say they feel unloved and unvalued.
Prevention- First a relationship should establish boundaries. It's easier to prevent than to remedy.
-Spouse is #1- think of him or her 1st; let your spouse be your best friend; be selfless
=how can you help make their life easier/better; communicate=share feelings, your life; show acts of random kindness and affection; share the household workload; forgive the little imperfections
-Be fiercely LOYAL=determine there will NEVER be anything that will come between you
-Control your thoughts, change who we are and how we act, if necessary
-Resist the desire to "rescue" an unhappy soul who pours his heart out to you
-Don't share the most painful or intimate things of your soul w/attractive alternative
-Discuss and work on marital problems at home or with a professional, not others
-Don't take breaks or lunch w/the same person all the time
-If meeting people/co-workers while traveling, only meet in public places
-If you are meeting an old girlfriend or boyfriend, make sure your spouse is with you
-Don't flirt or allow your mind or heart to dwell on anyone other than your spouse
**These are appropriate WALLS to protect your marriage from outside influences and opens the window of love and communication within your marriage.**
Can a marriage be saved after an extramarital affair? 70% of couples stay together and half of these will stay together and say that they have an even better relationship. Surprised?
Making the choice to stay together=Of course it will take a lot of hard work; determination; trust; commitment; boundaries; no more secrets, excuses or coverups; showing your vulnerabilities; understanding; true repentance and forgiveness; healing the past; strengthening the present and enriching the future!
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