There is a GOOD way to fight in a Marriage?!

WHAT?!  Is there a good way to fight in a marriage?

A lot of fighting and/or conflicts in a marriage or partnership seems to be about power and control, where the person in control tells others what to do and when.  It's about winners and losers.       
Do you agree?  
Conflicts can have both positive and negative consequences.  By handling conflict appropriately, the quality of the relationship can be enhanced and create a more intense sense of intimacy. Conflict can bring issues out into the open and it can help clarify issues.  Conflict will also increase your awareness of the kind of person you are and can become.

Well, there are different styles of conflict, such as:
            A.  Competition involves a high concern for oneself and a low concern for the other person.  If this is your dominant style, you view conflict as a kind of war.  The lowest marital satisfaction occurs among couples that use this style of conflict.
            B.  Avoidance you have little concern for your own interests or for the interests of the other party.  You are mainly concerned about maintaining peace, even though differences are never resolved.   Couples who avoid conflict are less happy than couples that use other styles.  And there is a higher risk of verbal and physical abuse among couples where one partner is an avoider and one is a competitor.
            C.  Accommodation (opposite of Competition) is a neglect of one's own interests in order to pursue the interests of the other.  You may engage in conflict, but you always give in to your partner.  You don't shrink away from all conflict (like an avoider), but you don't assert your own interests and therefore you give in as you don't want to offend or deny your partner.
            D.  Compromise involves some concern about both your own interests and the interests of the other person.  Your concern is enough to seek and reach a solution that is satisfactory to both of you.  Compromise tends to build intimacy. However, it seems that only about 10% of relationships use compromise to resolve their conflicts.
Did you find your style?  Which one were you?  Do you think it's the most effective?

PUT UP YOUR DUKES!!         So, what is a good way to fight?
1) Maintain your perspective~ask yourself...is it really important?
2) Develop Tension Outlets~Humor, Exercise, Sport and Meditation that can help you get rid of some of your tension.
3) Avoid Festering Resentment~It is vital that you openly confront things that are of importance to you and to resolve them. Partners must practice forgiveness. 
4) Be Sensitive to Timing~It is usually best to avoid conflict when you are angry, exhausted, right before an event, etc. Conflict can only be constructive to the relationship when both people can function rationally as well as emotionally.
5) Communicate without Ceasing~Do not handle conflict with the silent treatment or by simply hoping that everything will turn out okay with the passage of time.  It is the quality of communicating, not just the fact of communicating that is important. The communication process needs to have a certain calmness and instead of trying so hard to make your point, try to listen more carefully to what the other person is saying.
6) Be Flexible and Willing to Compromise~it is important to both accommodate and compromise in conflict. Give in when the issue doesn't matter that much to you and compromise when the issue is important to you. It is not a surrender, but a realistic way to handle a problem. 
7) Use Conflict to Attack Problems, NOT Your Spouse~THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!! Approach conflict as a problem-solving rather than a spouse-bashing exercise. Distressed couples show more anger and blaming and less ability to focus on the problem. "We have a problem", not "You are a problem".
8) Keep LOVING while you are Fighting~Avoid "low blows" and extremes statements and focus on the problem. Keep the conflict within the bounds of reason. Act out of concern for the well-being of the other person, independent of our feelings at the moment. When you refuse to "hurt" your partner during conflict, you are continuing to love. Keep in mind the things you like about your spouse even while you are fighting!
Is this possible...to LOVE your spouse/partner with resolving a conflict? Try some of these ideas and see what happens!