Who Owns the Problem?

When you have a problem or conflict with someone...do you have a tendency to automatically assume it is their problem to resolve with you?  Do you know how to recognize who should take responsibility and what steps to take care to resolve the issue?  

This week we watched several video clips by Active Parenting Publishers in which they talk about relationships with teenagers and "who owns the problem" when conflict or disagreements arise.  I think this can go for marital or any type of relationship (i.e. school, work, business, etc.) where you need to understand and be able to identify "whose problem" it really is.  Only then can the issue begin to get resolved effectively.

Here is a link to the short video clip:
 http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=0&EndCue=1643&VideoName=1561_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

After watching this and taking the little tests after the scenarios to determine "whose problem" it was, I realized I failed miserably in determining who needed to take responsibility in these situations.  (Oh, so sad)  I wonder if you would do any better!  Try it.

Anyway, they went on to give some clues in determining who should take ownership of the situation(s).  
           1) Who is the problem behavior directly affecting?
           2) Whose goals are being blocked?
           3) Does the problem involve health, safety, or family values?
           4) Is the problem one that you can reasonably expect your teen/ spouse/co-worker, etc. to solve? 

These questions make you kind of think...or at least they should.  So, next conflict ask YOURSELF these questions! It might change your opinion of who should be and is responsible to fix the situation. 

 This next video talks about responsibility and consequences.  It talks about cooperation and communication techniques as well as how to use "I" messages when communicating a problem you wish to resolve with someone.  This is good information for everyone in a variety of situations so that you are working on the problem without attacking the person.  Watching "what" you say (words), "how" you say it (tone of voice), and your non-verbal cues as you converse can make a big difference in trying to come to a resolution that all can be happy with.

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=6&EndCue=1754&VideoName=1562_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos  

Well, during this holiday season, you are probably going to be around crowds of people, busy work schedules and lots of family and friends.  This may make you a little bit more on edge or frustrated.  So, make sure you recognize when there is an issue and try to resolve it calmly and respectfully, so
that you and all involved can be happy and content.

And remember, if it's YOUR problem...OWN IT, resolve it!!